2012

2012 has started with a bang. I feel like we are always busy and always playing catch up with house work etc. I don't really make resolutions but getting my house cleaned and full organized is a huge priority. We are getting there but it accumulates again so fast!

Many things have happened since my last post about Anthony but there is really no new news. He's working with an Immunologist now who thinks he may have an Immunoglobin deficiency. The diagnosis is a very long and drawn out process. His lungs are functioning WORSE than when he was back in the hospital in November with pneumonia so it's scary. I try not to dwell on the big picture and we try to focus on one step at a time in getting him diagnosed and better. It's been hard because I think we both expected to leave the hospital that first time with a clear diagnosis, some antibiotics and we would be on our way. We were so so wrong in that assumption. We have seen Cardiologists, Immunologists, Pulmonary Specialists, Infectious Disease Doctors, Radiologists and probably more ologists I can't even think of right now. He spent a week of September at Baylor in Carrollton, a week in October at Baylor again and then a week in November at UT Southwestern in Dallas.

We do know that he has something called Wolff Parkinson White Syndrome now which is a heart condition in which there is an extra electrical pathway (circuit) in the heart. The condition can lead to episodes of rapid heart rate (tachycardia). This was discovered finally at UT Southwestern when they did the first EKG he had even had done! This is causing some issues in treating his lungs since he already has WPWS they don't want to give him certain meds for his lungs because they speed up his heart too much. 


Right now we are in a holding pattern of tests...allergy tests, heart tests and airway tests. Luckily Anthony has a very good attitude about everything. Plus he adores coming home to Eve every day so her smile sure makes things better most days. 


Eve is growing up so fast. She's 16 months old and adorable. She is learning new words everyday and copying everything we do. She is in a big time Mommy stage. She is such a mommy's girl right now but I don't mind. I love it actually because she was being so independent I was missing my baby! Her favorite thing to do in the whole world is take a bubble bath so she says "bubbles" all the time. 


Work is still crazy but I love being busy so that is good. 


Overall life has been doing great. Just trying to figure out the health issues but other than that we are great!

Fear

Anthony has had health problems lately with his lymph nodes and throat. He had strep and then it would just flare up randomly and he was on 4 different antibiotics in the last 7 weeks or so. Early Monday morning around 2am on September 12th he woke up and was spiking 106 fever and had chills so bad he was shaking. He woke up that morning and said he was going to run to the doctor.

I went to work and got a call around 11am from him saying "don't panic but I am at the ER at Baylor because they think I have meningitis".

Of course I freaked out and left my office to go up there. His fever was up and down and all over the place. They took 4 giant bottles of blood that looked like mini wine bottles plus 3 regular vials. They were hesitant to do a spinal tap because of the risks. However after an X-Ray and blood tests his white cell count was still spiked and they couldn't isolate why so they went ahead and did the spinal tap. That was intense to watch. It was just like my epidural but instead of giving me relief from the pain they removed 4 vials of spinal fluid from him for testing.

A few hours later they came back and said that it wasn't meningitis but they didn't know what it was so they recommended admitting him into the hospital. He was hesitant but I told him he needs to figure out what is going on.

They sent him in and did 6 MRI's that night. He was in the tube for over 2 hours which I can't even imagine. Tuesday morning they came really early and took him for 2 CT scans and then by 10am they had the heart sonogram guy in his room taking images of his heart. He also had another chest X-Ray. They were also taking blood from two different sites every 3 hours besides his IV. He is also still running low grade to very high fevers from 94.9-106.

The infectious disease doctor was on the case and sat with him for a long time discussing everywhere he's been in the last ten years. He told him of his 5 different bouts with pneumonia and his skin rashes. At this point the doctor thinks it's River Valley Fever related to a fungus spore you pick up in the desert from him growing up in El Paso. It can sit dormant for years and will flare up. He ordered a bronchioscopy on Wednesday and they put him under and put a camera and tube down his nose to his lungs to scrape out some of the mass to test.

The bacteria cultures they had been doing all week came back negative but they could tell there was something going on still. He didn't feel like they got enough of a sample from the lung because they couldn't get down to the mass far enough. The results take 6 weeks to come back so now we wait.

He finally was released on Saturday after two days of IV antibiotics. He was getting very antsy to get home to Eve and I. He's weak from laying in bed for so long and being on so many medications.

Bottom line is he has a very rare pneumonia (which just means a patch in your lung) in his right ventricle. We won't know what it is for possibly 6 weeks. If they don't get what they need they will have to open his chest and go in to remove it surgically. We go back in two weeks for more CT scans.

I am scared. He's 31 years old. I have always had this giant fear of losing him. His dad died at 41 to malignant melanoma. We have always been super diligent with the dermatologist and his skin but never thought about this. We will deal with it but I hope they figure it out soon. He's my whole world and I can't imagine him being severly ill.

Thoughts

I have so many thoughts each day that I think I should come write about and then I lose the time or the path to put them down into a cohesive sentence.

Eve has her first pretty bad diaper rash. We are treating it with creams and potions and I hope it clears up soon. We had our first Easter and it was wonderful. Everyone came to our house and we ate and Eve entertained everyone with giggles, smiles and cooing in her bunny outfit. She has developed such an amazing personality. She smiles and laughs and has the best disposition you could ask for as a parent.

We finally left her for longer than two hours to go to Arlington and celebrate Amy and Kelli's birthday. We had such a good time just being with friends. We love family time so much but I think I realize now that sometimes we need adult time too.

Tomorrow Anthony is taking me out to dinner at Papa Bros Steakhouse. Then he has some "surprises" for me as an early Anniversary gift and Mother's Day pre-game. Our anniversary is in June but he got too excited about his suprise to wait, plus we will be in Orlando with the girls so he wanted a romantic date night with just the two of us.

Saturday we are going to see G.G. and Papa and Granny in Arlington since they are in town. That night we have friends coming over to see the monkey and hang out. I am so looking forward to it!

Sunday is Anthony's company picnic. We take Ana every year and she and I compete on who can eat the most roasted corn. She always gives me a run for my money!

What an amazing weekend we have in store and it's just one of many that I share with my family. I love where my life is going right now.

Sweet Peas for My Sweet Pea

We started Eve on solids yesterday. When I say started I guess I should say that we gave her the first bites of Sweet Peas with a spoon. It was beyond adorable. I put it against her tongue and she got the funniest face and spit it out. Then I gave her more and the more she got used to it, the more she wanted it. It was so cute. I think she may have eaten a tablespoon total, but she's learning. She loved the spoon because she is teething so she wanted to chew on it. She's sleeping really well and is still in the pack n play in our room. I kind of can't imagine putting her upstairs but I know it's coming. The goal is 6 months so on April 8th. I love to wake up and hear her cooing or breathing. She's a very vocal sleeper and always has been. We just cuddled in bed and tried to feel better this weekend. Anthony spent last week in Calgary for work and Eve had bronchiolitus and a double ear infection. It was a challenging week for both of us. I got her sickness as well and felt horrible, but no sick time for mommy. She is trying to sit up now and grabs her feet and then slowly falls into me. She still sleeps on my chest at least once a day. It's my favorite part of the day because she won't be able to do that for long. That and rocking her to sleep at night are my favorite parts of the day with her. Her little personality is just shining. She hides her face when you look at her like she's shy. She loves her seahorse that lights up and sings still. Anthony has named him Stewart so we will go with that. Watching her learn and grow each day is a miracle and I am so blessed to have an amazing daughter. I am thankful every single day for her.

21 Weeks - 4th Month

Eve is 4.5 months old. She's growing so quickly. The last few nights when I have gotten home she has fallen asleep within an hour and a half of me being there. I get sad that I only have that long with my baby girl in the evening. I do make the best of it though. I don't put her down. I rock her, I feed her, I bathe her and play with her and just listen to her talk to me. She is talking A LOT and blowing raspberries.

In the morning after I feed her I put her down in her crib and she just talks and sings to me the whole time I get ready. I have never heard a sweeter song in my life than her singing to me.

We put her in her exersaucer for the first time yesterday and she loved it. She loves the little iguana that lights up and sings. She really likes lights and singing. Anything repetitive she gets really excited and bops up and down and squeals in delight. The dogs don't really love the screeching haha.

We spent last weekend at my mom and dad's. We had a great time. My dad held her up and talked to her and made raspberry noises on her ribs and she just started belly laughing. She loved it. We got a great video of it and it was so precious that she did that for my dad. She loves her papa as much as I do. She loves grabbing his beard and Anthony's. She falls asleep with her little hands wrapped in my hair. It hurts but it's so sweet. I can no longer wear necklaces or earrings because she pulls at them!

We had her 4 month appointment and since she had been sick she had lost a little weight and was coming in at 12lbs 12oz. (35%) and measured 24.5 inches (60%) Her head circumference was (70%). We laughed and said she has a big brain and must be a genius :)

She loves to stand up on my legs and stare at me. She's also been doing this thing where she smiles at you and when you smile back she hides her face like she's being coy. She's just so sweet.

This time is so precious and it's going so fast. I want to enjoy every single moment of it.

More Firsts

I am so late in posting this. Eve rolled over for the first time unassisted on Saturday, January 15th. She was on the bed between my mom and I and she just rolled over. She was almost over and my mom said "she's going to roll over". She just had the one shoulder to go and she did it. Once she got on her tummy she pushed herself up and just grinned from ear to ear like she was so proud of herself. I was sure proud of her. Unfortunately Anthony missed it because he was in El Paso for the memorial of his grandmother.

Saturday, January 22nd she laughed for the first time. We were just hanging out at home and I was rocking her. I took her hands and started kissing them really fast and saying mwuah and she just giggled out loud and kept doing it while I did that. Anthony rushed to get the camera and of course we missed it! Later we were all watching Glee together and I had her propped up on my knees with her feet against my belly. They did a number by Queen to "Another One Bites the Dust" so I started moving my legs a little side to side and held her hands out and we sort of danced and she just LAUGHED so hard. We got it on video that time. It was adorable.

We also are having her first cold. This one is not a first that is fun at all. My poor baby girl is so stopped up rigth now. I shoot saline up her nose and then bulb it but nothing seems to help. She's miserable. The doctor said there's really nothing they can do for her since she's so little. The good news is it's not in her ears or her chest yet. There are numerous cases of RSV going around so I hope she doens't get that. I hate seeing her in pain. It's the most helpless feeling a new mommy can have.

We have our routine down now and it's all going well. I wish I had more time in a day but we are making it work! She is starting to really love her toys too. She got a seahorse that sings and his tummy lights up and she just stares at it. She loves it and how it lights up. I wish her mobile fit over her pack n play. The one that came with it we can't use because of the changing table. She loves her rattles and grips those really good too. She stands up on our laps and her back and neck are very strong! She's doing great with all of her milestones. She's getting so big. She weighs 13 lbs 1oz as of January 25th at the doctor. We have her 4 month appointment on the 8th and I am not looking forward to it. She has to get shots and I hate that!

Rolling Over

We had another milestone this past weekend. Eve was laying on a quilt between my mom and I in bed on Saturday afternoon. She started rolling onto her side. My mom said "I think she is oging to roll over!" and I didn't really believe her. We were watching and sure enough she got almost all the way over just needing one shoulder and she finally did it. She ended up on her tummy and pushed herself up and kind of looked up at me. Then she gave me the biggest smile I have ever seen! It was the cutest thing ever. My dad walked in and saw it too.

We were sad that Anthony missed it but he was in El Paso. I Know she will do it again for him when he gets home.

We also changed sizes again. She's now in 3-6 months clothes. Some of them are still a little big but the others are too small. There were outfits in the 0-3 range she didn't even get to wear! So crazy. Mom and I went shopping and got some great deals at Carter's so that was fun. I loved having my parents over all weekend. I am so happy they are getting to spend so much time with Eve when she is in the very baby stage. They love being involved as well so it's really nice.

I can't wait to spend some time with Anthony tonight. I feel like it's been ages since I have seen him. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful family. I feel very blessed.

3 1/2 Months Old

I still cannot believe that my baby girl is 3 1/2 months old already! Last night Anthony cleaned off our camcorder videos so he could take the camera to El Paso with him and we found all the videos of Eve coming home. She was so so so tiny. I cried watching them a little. I am happy to watch her grow and learn and I wouldn't trade this time at all but looking back at how tiny she seemed just a few months ago was amazing.

Motherhood is such an internal battle of emotions sometimes! I am so excited to see her grow but I want her to stay little too. This week she did a few things for the first time. I rushed into the house running for the bathroom after my hour and a half commute. I ran past her and said "Hey Monkey I love you " and kissed her little cheek. Anthony said she immediately poked out that bottom lip and looked after me and just started crying! Oh no I thought! I hurried out to her and she put her little head in the crook of my neck and I just held her for a minute then when I looked at her she just gave me the biggest grin I have ever seen. It was one of those moments that I just wanted to melt. Most days when Anthony gets home with her they have fun for a while and she will get a little fussy and I seem to be the only one that can soothe her. That makes me feel good in a way, but scares me in another way.

She started sucking her thumb yesterday for the first time also. She was just putting her whole fist in her mouth sometimes and now she's figured out how to just put the thumb in. She doesn't do it very often but she did just start. Her sleep schedule is still really good so far. It's taking a little longer to get her down at night but once she's down, that's it. She can self soothe to go back to sleep. I hope she stays that way!

Anthony has been working hard on finishing in mural in her nursery. It's so detailed and with Christmas, her coming home, his work and some other family things it's taken longer than we thought. It should be done very soon and then we will put her in the crib in her own room instead of the pack n play. It makes me nervous to have her so far away, but it will be good for all three of us in the long run. Right now she sleeps in the pack n play in our bedroom so she's so close I can hear every little coo and noise. It's nice but it also keeps me awake in a way.

My mom and dad are coming in tonight and staying with me until Tuesday so that will be a lot of fun. Anthony is traveling to El Paso to the memorial of his paternal grandmother, Joan Quarm. She passed away on December 28th. She was one of the most amazing women I ever met. I am so lucky to have known her. She was very special to both of us and we are so sad that she never got to meet Eve. Joan lived through the Blitz in England, where she is from. She then lived in Portugal, Peru, South Africa and finally settled in El Paso. She had 1 daughter and 4 sons. She was a professor of English at UTEP, produced a radio program, wrote for the El Paso Times and ran the Gilbert and Sullivan theatre program until only two years ago. She was 91 years old and will be greatly missed.

I wish I could attend her service and let Eve meet some of the other relatives but we decided that being in a car for 12 hours each way and having to rush around all over town while we are there and me missing work after just returning was just too much. It's hard enough to go to the store with an infant, much less drive across the state with one. I wish I could be there to support Anthony, but sometimes I have to realize I can't do it all.

Firsts and Fear

The year keeps passing by and Eve keeps having firsts. This week was her very first snow. She wasn't impressed but she will be soon. I can't wait to hear her little voice saying "mommy it's snowing, it's snowing" and rushing to get her boots, mittens and hats on as fast as possible. She watched the snow throught he window with an amazing look on her face though. Every time I look at her face I wonder what she is thinking and I can't wait until she can tell me.

She smiles at us every morning now and it melts my heart. Her smile is infectious. Anthony said this morning as we were rushing around getting ready to go to work that there was nothing on earth better than a baby's smile. I have to agree. She is already starting the very easy job of completely wrapping her daddy around her little finger. She's had me for a long time...

We had a very scary experience on Sunday evening late at 1:30am. We were both asleep and the doorbell rang...at 1:30am. We both bolted up in bed and in the :30 it took to get to the door for Anthony (I was right behind him) so many thoughts raced through my head. I was concerned that it would be a police officer with bad news. I didn't know what to think but in that few seconds my immediate response was to protect my baby. It's so weird and hard to describe but it was this instant protective mode I went into in my brain.

Anthony answered the door and it was a woman who immediately reached for the glass door to our home to come in. He asked what was wrong and what he could do to help and she just said "I need to use your phone. I need to come in". He said he would be happy to call someone for her if she would just give us the phone number and she was insistent that "No she would call someone just let her in". I was on the other side of the door telling him I was calling 9-1-1 because if she needed help we would get it for her but she was NOT coming into the house acting that way.

She was pacing back and forth on the porch from what I could gather. She said that she was scared of her husband but no don't call the police. Then he said he was calling and she said "No just go get your parents, I know your parents". He said "Lady I own this house". Then she just said nevermind and ran off.

Within a minute and a half we saw the police lights outside of the cops looking for her. She was gone. They had one officer in the alley and one at the front looking between all the houses. The officer told us that they had gotten another call that an elderly lady had someone knocking on her door and ringing the doorbell trying to get her to come to the door too. She was two streets over so the police were already in the area searching for this person. The officer kept asking us if she was high or drunk. I couldn't tell from her voice and Anthony didn't think she was but anything is possible.

They left and told us we did the right thing and I stayed awake until 5am with the adrenaline. I went through every scenario in my head. I felt like maybe I was rude for not letting her in, but then the logical part of me was like no! She was a stranger, not a neighbor, she came from nowhere and she DID NOT want us to call the police. For all I know she could have had someone sitting right there next to my porch waiting for an opportunity to bust our door down and get into our home. There are numerous things that she could have been wanting but none of them had pure intentions, of that I am sure.

We are positive she had a car waiting because the cops saw no one on foot and said there is no way she could have run away that fast. She also didn't live anywhere near our house because we know all of our neighbors so where did she go? It was so scary and freaky to me because I didn't know her intentions and I had a perfect little angel all swaddled up in my room and I was scared.

Eve slept through all of it. The dogs barking, the police, the doorbell, me crying and Anthony telling me it would be okay. She just dreamed of better things I hope and knows nothing of that night except the next morning she woke up to lots of snow to look at.

13 Weeks Old

It's really hard to blog. I used to do it all the time but I have been busy! Eve Katherine is 13 weeks old today. Tomorrow she is offically three months old and I can't believe how fast the time has flown by. This was my first week back to work and it has been harder than I could have even imagine.

Monday night I got both of our stuff ready for the hard morning that I knew Tuesday would be. I got her dressed, fed her and snuggled with her for a while. I barely slept at all because I was so anxious. I have only left her for maybe a total of 6 hours since I gave birth to her so I had lots of odd feelings. I dropped her off at the sitter and then sat in my car on their street and sobbed my eyes out. I called Anthony and he talked to me for a while about how she would be fine, and I knew she would be but still...she wasn't with me. I also called my mom. My mom has become one of my best friends since I became pregnant. I call her every single day numerous times. She just said that it sucks and you don't want to leave them but you have to. She always worked too and I never felt like she wasn't part of my life or anything, I just hate leaving her. I cried all the way to work. Luckily I work with some amazing moms who know exactly what I went through that morning so they were all very supportive about it.

I got home on Tuesday night around 6pm and she fell asleep at 7:30. She was exhausted so I let her sleep and just rocked her. Wednesday morning I cried even more because I felt like I had only seen my baby for a few hours in a 24 hour period. It was harder than the first day because I knew it was going to be like this every morning.

It was better yesterday and today. I got up and spent some extra time rocking her and seeing her beautiful face. I cannot wait to get her this evening because I will have until Monday morning to spend with her.

She has been the most amazing baby so far. She started sleeping through the night completely on December 8th. She goes to sleep between 8:30 and 9pm and before I went back to work she wouldn't wake up until 7 or 8am. Now we get up at 6am to get ready to go to work and the sitter. She smiled at us for the first time on November 23rd and it was the best feeling in the world. She is cooing now and smiling and gripping her rattle. She can sit up in her bumbo seat and she loves to just look around. She loved the Christmas lights during the holidays. She would just stare at them in awe.

Parenthood is truly amazing. People tell you that there is no feeling like looking at your baby, and there really isn't. Seeing her with Anthony makes me love my husband even more than I thought possible. He and I have come even closer through this parenthood part of our journey. He is the most amazing husband and father and I am thankful for him each and every day.

The dogs all love Eve. They are very protective of her and love when she coos. I am so happy these days. We plan to have another baby in 2012 as of right now. We are hoping to have a son to complete our family but will be happy if we have a little girl too of course. I am so in love with my little girl that I can't imagine having enough love for another little one but I know that you can.

31.5 Weeks

I have been meaning to write and then I figured I would wait until I had pictures etc but time is slipping by. I realized this morning that I only have 57 days until my due date. It's all speeding up so quickly now. 7.5 weeks! I cannot believe it!

I have gained 23 pounds so far which I hear is really great from my doctor. She thinks everything is going wonderfully. Eve is moving around a TON in my tummy. It's very comforting to feel her. I think I will miss it once she is here but having her in front of me will be so much better I know!

Anthony has been working hard on the nursery. He is free hand drawing all of the Dr. Seuss characters. His talents amaze me daily. We have Horton sitting on top of the nest above the crib and it turned out so cool. On one wall we have the whole scene from the Lorax book. We also did Green Eggs and Ham. We are still fitting the sneeches, Cat in the Hat, Thidwick, Yertle etc in there somewhere. I am getting so excited to see it all come together.

Anthony had to leave town last week for a work trip and I was so sad to be without him for 4 nights. It's ridiculous I know but he's my best friend and I miss him so much when he's gone. Our marriage grows every single day and the minute I think I love him more than I thought possible, I love him even more. He's been so involved in this pregnancy and getting ready for the baby. I am so lucky to have found this man and I am so thankful for him each and every day. I hope it's not just the hormones ;)

I got my shower invites in the mail a few weeks ago and just started bawling (typical behaviour these days). I am so blessed to have the friends that I have and cannot wait to celebrate Eve coming into this world with my friends and family. It will be so much fun.

We are trying to prepare the dogs the best we can for her arrival. I think they will be fine.

I get overwhelmed with nesting projects and feel like my house is never going to be organized and picked up enough but then when I get home I am SO exhausted and hot that I can't do any of it.

Overall this has been a wonderful pregnancy. There are definitely some not so fun things about being pregnant in the heat but overall after trying for 2 years to have this little girl, I am happy.

Now I just can't wait to see her sweet face.

21 Weeks

I will actually be 22 weeks on Saturday. This has been such a wonderful time. I felt Eve move for the first time about 4 weeks ago and she hasn't stopped since. It's more of a rolling around. I have felt an actual kick a few times but for the most time she really likes to roll around right after I eat and then at 8pm or so she does a disco party in my belly. It's really neat to feel her in there and it's very comforting.

We had our "BIG" Ultrasound appointment at 18 weeks. The doctor said she looked beautiful. All of her bllod work and measurements have come out great. We got a DVD and she was moving around a lot.

I have only gained 7 pounds at this point which is great. I am hoping to keep the weight under control so that it's not so hard to lose it after she's here.

We have done a lot of fun things together this summer already. Anthony and I went to the Wildflower Festival like we do every year. We got to see Toad the Wet Sprocket and Candlebox. We went to Anthony's company picnic which was a lot of fun. Ana was big enough this year to go on the horse ride thorugh the woods on her very own horse. Anthony went with her since I can't ride a horse so I just took pictures and watched them enjoying themselves on the horses and the paddle boats. It was a great time again this year and they had tons of good food!

We also went to the Dallas Zoo for the premiere weekend of the Giants of the Savannah exhibit. The elephants are my favorite and now they have 6 of them in a beautiful and much bigger habitat. We also saw the lions, leopards and giraffes up close. I made it for 5 hours in the 92 degree heat. Anthony kept me very hydrated and we were glad I made it that long.

It's going to be a LONG hot summer that's for sure. It's going to be 105 this weekend. We are going to try to make it down to Fossil Rim to feed the animals down there. I hope it's not too hot.

We also booked our anniversary trip/babymoon. I had never heard of a babymoon but I guess it's kind of a "last trip" to take together before the baby gets here. We are going to San Diego for a week. That is where we started our honeymoon and we are excited. We are going to see the new elephant exhibit and we are going to go to Seaworld again. We love those two parks. The other few days we are going to just relax and enjoy each other's company. Hopefully we will get in lots of beach and pool time!

We already registered for my baby showers for little Eve. I have to stop myself from buying every cute little outfit I see for little girls. It's been hard but I am doing better! She already has quite a few cute things from friends and grandparents.

I can't wait to meet my little angel.

17 Weeks

I swore I would keep this more updated but I haven't. I have been so busy with work and family but it's all been good. I finally stopped having really bad morning sickness week 14 so I was very thankful for that for sure. I had a good 8 weeks of really bad nausea and dizziness starting at 3pm and I just thought it would flatten me!

I went to the doctor for my normal 16 week checkup on April 20th. I went alone because we knew our big appointment was May 10th and Anthony had to work. Usually at these appointments she just weighs me and talks to me about how I am feeling so I didn't think anything of it anyways.

Well she was running about 45 minutes late and I was her last appointment of the day so she asked me if I would like to try to take a look and see if we could determine if it was a boy or a girl. I said "of course". She was worried that Anthony would be upset but I assured her that he's just ready to know.

We got in the room and she said she immediately knew but wanted to get a few pictures to verify. My baby was moving like crazy. It was doing flips and sucking it's little thumb and moving all around. It was so neat to see. She finally said "What do you think you are having?" I said "A girl" and she said I was right!

I was so excited and disappointed in that instant that Anthony wasn't with me. I knew he would have wanted me to find out though. He was tired of calling the baby "It" or "Baby Q" or "The Baby"

I could see all the bones in her tiny fingers and her tiny spine. It was the coolest thing ever. Of course the odd part to me was that I could see her moving all around but I can't FEEL anything yet. My doctor said that should come in week 18-20 probably.

We still have our big anatomy check ultrasound on May 10th. Anthony is excited to see her again on the screen. She grows so much each time we see her so it's just amazing. This appointment they will check our her heart and other organs and I guess just verify she's a girl!

We decided on her name a long time ago. It will be Eve Katherine. We had JUST decided on a boys name so we will keep that for next time. Hopefully we will have one of each and they will both be healthy and happy children.

This has been such a wonderful time in our lives. Both of our careers are going great. Anthony is working on getting his Masters Degree to even further his path for our family and my job has continued to be great.

We bought our first home together and we have done a lot to improve it and make it ours. We do still manage to go to Home Depot a few times a weekend to work on another piece but overall we are so happy with where we are.

In the coming weeks we will start working on our mural for Eve's room. I have all of her furniture already but now we will take our favorite characters from the Dr. Seuss books and paint them on the walls. Her room will be very bright and cheery. I can't wait to see it when it's done.

10 Weeks

This is my tenth week of pregnancy. I am a bundle of nervous energy. I am scared and happy all at the same time. I keep thinking "Can this really be happening?". After trying so long it's hard to settle into the knowledge that you are pregnant.

I have also been reading the What to Expect boards and the BabyCenter boards and they just make me nervous or irritate me.

There are ALOT of opinions about child birth, raising children , breast feeding etc. I try to respect everyone's opinions because I think each person has the right to determine what they think is best for them and their family. I personally know that I want an epidural. I can't seem to find anyone else on these boards that feels the same way. It seems like everyone on there will only do natural birth with no drugs. Am I a bad person? I don't think so.

My doctor is fully in support of having an epidural. She had two herself with her children and if she's been to medical school and studied this stuff shouldn't I be able to trust her? I am just asking myself these questions of course. I commend the women that can give birth without drugs, I am just not one of them.

I guess I thought I would find some support on these boards, but I have found my true real life girlfriends are much better sounding boards for all of my weird questions than strangers on the internet. I should have known that!

Amazing News

Anthony and I decided fairly quickly that we wanted to have children. I stopped my BC on our honeymoon. We knew that it wouldn't be immediate but after a year I was worried. After having an HSG procedure in September and some other not so fabulous office procedures my doctor scheduled a D&C, Laperoscopy for December 2nd. They found some endometriosis and removed it and fixed what they knew what wrong. I was not totally shocked with I wasn't pregnant that month due to the scar tissue.

February came around and I was 5 days late. I had been late before so I wasn't really even thinking anything when I took the test. I sat in the shower giving myself a little pep talk about how I was not going to cry when it said "Not Pregnant" like it had 18 other months in a row. I got out of the shower and walked in there very ready to just throw it in the trash but it didn't say NOT pregnant it just said PREGNANT. I thought I was still asleep!

I called Anthony immediately and he was SO excited but we were both still cautious. This was on February 2nd. I called my mom and dad and some of my friends that knew every month when I would start. Everyone was so happy and excited and positive. We told my Mother-In-Law at dinner and she burst into tears. It was amazing.

I started getting symptoms almost immediately and wow some of them are not fun but I am grateful for every one of them. It means my little baby is growing and healthy.

This morning was my first appointment. I barely slept last night, which is amazing since I am exhausted all the time. I went in this morning and they did all the normal blood work etc then my doctor said she wanted me to have an ultrasound. I was so scared that there would be nothing.

The wand immediately picked up the baby. It was so tiny I couldn't believe it. I then saw flutters on the screen and she said that was my baby's heart beat. I was so happy I cried. She said the heart beat was a very healthy 126 BPM. My measurements were wonderful and everything looked great she said.

I am 7 weeks pregnant today and the baby will be due on October 8th. My next appointment is on March 23rd. Anthony will join me and we will get to see and hear the baby. I can't wait to hear the heartbeat. It's amazing to even see it.

I am still in awe and still a little nervous but overall so happy.

A Loss So Great

On December 28, 2009 I lost one of the best friends I have ever known. Kimberly was a 31 year old wife and Mother of two children. Austin is 8 years old and Gracie is 6 years old and is Kim's twin.

I met Kimberly when I was 18 at my friend Jeremy's house. We always went over there to hang out and he called and said his friend Kim had just moved back to the area from Lake Whitney and he wanted me to meet her. He said "She's a model and is about to go back to Japan for a job but you will love her." I thought "oh great a model. I am sure she will just LOVE me."

I walked in and met the most amazing woman in the world. She was beautiful but she wasn't aware of it if that makes sense. She was just down to earth and had a smile that no one could resist. We hung out all night and exchanged phone numbers. I wasn't sure if she would call me but sure enough at 10am the next morning my phone rang and it was her asking if I wanted to go shopping with her. From that moment on we started a friendship that lasted until last Monday.

We would go dancing, shopping or just hang out and watch movies. I became a part of her family and she a part of mine. She stopped modeling and I got her a job working with me at Nielsen. I kept telling her that I thought she would really like my boss, Jeff. She didn't really get along with 19 year old boys because she had been traveling the world on her own since she was 15 and she wasn't into keg parties and stupid teenage boy games.

She went to the interview in a sun dress. I will never forget it because the supervisor, Mark, at the time could barely interview her because she made him nervous. Jeff walked in and said a few remarks and she looked at me afterwards and said "He's a jerk" or something to that effect. I told her to just wait, he would grow on her.

One night a few months later I had to work late and Kim came to pick me up and Jeff was still at the office. I asked him to go to dinner with us and he decided to do that. I was surprised because he didn't really hang out with the office people. Needless to say I was the third wheel very quickly. They both called me the next morning all excited about the prospect of hanging out with each other again. It was funny to me because I just knew all along they would get along. I don't know how, they both asked me all the time, I just knew.

By Halloween they were dating and they were perfect for each other. That next July they had planned a trip to Jamaica. Jeff called me into his office with a picture of a ring. He was going to propose! I was over the moon and got to go with him to pick out her ring. He was so nervous and happy. Kim of course was anxious because she knew she wanted to marry him and kept saying "I hope he proposes". I kept my mouth shut and told her maybe it was too soon.

He did propose and when she came back she called me and did a little huff because I hadn't told her but really she was happy she didn't know.

They married on October 2, 1999 and I was in her wedding. She was the most beautiful bride.

She followed the wedding with two beautiful children, Austin and Gracie. She was made to be a mother. She was just so good at being a wife and mother.

Her and Jeff enjoyed spending time together with family and friends and loved to travel. Kimberly had a very full life and she lived it to the fullest. She was the type of person that everyone loved because she was so kind and generous to everyone she met. She made you as a person feel so beautiful and loved.

Jeff called me on Monday the 28th and told me we had lost her. She wasn't feeling well around 3am Sunday morning and she went to the hospital at 5am. They sent her home at noon thinking it was the flu. She collapsed at home and they took her back to the hospital via ambulance at 4pm. They realized quickly that something else was wrong because there was now a bacteria in her blood affecting every organ and blood vessel. She was put on life support and lost her battle with her body at 3am. It wasn't even 24 full hours from the first time she went to the hospital.

I was shocked. I thought he was wrong or lying or something. I didn't know what to think and I still don't. How can a woman that was so healthy and so alive one day, be dead the next day? They are saying it was a very fast acting spinal meningitis but it's still hard to believe. We buried her on Saturday and said our goodbyes but it's still surreal to me. She was so loved and will be in my memories forever. I miss her so much and just want to scream. I have done that a lot. I don't understand any of it. Hopefully I will find peace at some point but right now it's so hard to grasp such a tragedy.

The Beginning

I guess I should start from the beginning. Of course just saying that leads to the question of what beginning am I talking about? There are so many for any person. I am going to start at the beginning of the journey I am on right now.

I met my husband sort of on a fluke. A friend of mine asked me to set up a profile on plentyoffish.com, a free dating site, because he wanted to know what I thought of it. He was going to try to make his own dating site and wanted to use this model as sort of a template. That never happened but I did create a profile.

I weeded through the typical ridiculous chat requests with men that ranged from needy, perverse, emotionally unstable, angry, too nice, too whatever and stumbled one day upon Anthony. I think my first chat to him was something about his tattoos. I was intrigued by all of the ink on his body. I had never really been interested in men with tattoos but I sent him a message with the ultra clever line of "hey nice ink" or something that made me want to cringe after I hit send. I do think that I had a couple of glasses of wine that night or so I like to tell myself now.

He responded with something snarky and we started IM'ing each other almost everyday. I kind of thought he was a jerk online but I know now he's just a very direct person. After two weeks of that I finally just said "So are we going to meet or not?" because I was just not wanting to just IM someone all the time without meeting him.

He gave me a few options of where we would go and we settled on this little BYOB Italian place called Joe's Pizza. I was nervous driving there but also a little annoyed that I was even going. I don't know if it was because he seemed so standoffish, but I was curious. When he got out of his car I see this 6"4 blonde with spiky hair walking towards me. He was wearing a tank top (to show off his tats I guess) and his motorcylce boots (he doesn't own a motorcycle). When he first spoke I was shocked by how low his voice was. I was even more intrigued now.

We ordered our pizza and then sat there for a good two hours just talking. In person he was very warm, genuine and smart. We talked about a lot of different things and then found out that we had the exact same birthday (one year apart). After taking up booth space for that long we decided to go back to his mom's house and watch a movie. The whole time I was driving there I was thinking "What am I doing?" but I went anyways. We watched V for Vendetta and listened to music. My stomach was in knots because I realized I really liked this guy. I had been alone for so long that I wasn't really ready to feel that way, but I did.

I left his house by sneaking out really early in the morning which we joke about now. That day I was giddy but nervous. Would he call me again? Would this really work out? He's not my typical type etc. All these thoughts going on in my head.

We didn't hang out that next night but after that we were together every single day. My lease was up 6 weeks later. Three weeks into dating him I was looking for an apartment and he had been talking about moving out of his mom's house so he just said "Why don't we look for a place together?" I was shocked he would suggest that and a little taken aback. I didn't know what to think. Financially it made sense because we were staying together every single night anyways so why each pay rent?

Other people in our lives didn't think highly of this decision but we didn't really care. We signed a year lease three weeks after we met and didn't look back. We did get a two bedroom in case something went horribly wrong, but it didn't.

That's a good beginning so far.