3 1/2 Months Old

I still cannot believe that my baby girl is 3 1/2 months old already! Last night Anthony cleaned off our camcorder videos so he could take the camera to El Paso with him and we found all the videos of Eve coming home. She was so so so tiny. I cried watching them a little. I am happy to watch her grow and learn and I wouldn't trade this time at all but looking back at how tiny she seemed just a few months ago was amazing.

Motherhood is such an internal battle of emotions sometimes! I am so excited to see her grow but I want her to stay little too. This week she did a few things for the first time. I rushed into the house running for the bathroom after my hour and a half commute. I ran past her and said "Hey Monkey I love you " and kissed her little cheek. Anthony said she immediately poked out that bottom lip and looked after me and just started crying! Oh no I thought! I hurried out to her and she put her little head in the crook of my neck and I just held her for a minute then when I looked at her she just gave me the biggest grin I have ever seen. It was one of those moments that I just wanted to melt. Most days when Anthony gets home with her they have fun for a while and she will get a little fussy and I seem to be the only one that can soothe her. That makes me feel good in a way, but scares me in another way.

She started sucking her thumb yesterday for the first time also. She was just putting her whole fist in her mouth sometimes and now she's figured out how to just put the thumb in. She doesn't do it very often but she did just start. Her sleep schedule is still really good so far. It's taking a little longer to get her down at night but once she's down, that's it. She can self soothe to go back to sleep. I hope she stays that way!

Anthony has been working hard on finishing in mural in her nursery. It's so detailed and with Christmas, her coming home, his work and some other family things it's taken longer than we thought. It should be done very soon and then we will put her in the crib in her own room instead of the pack n play. It makes me nervous to have her so far away, but it will be good for all three of us in the long run. Right now she sleeps in the pack n play in our bedroom so she's so close I can hear every little coo and noise. It's nice but it also keeps me awake in a way.

My mom and dad are coming in tonight and staying with me until Tuesday so that will be a lot of fun. Anthony is traveling to El Paso to the memorial of his paternal grandmother, Joan Quarm. She passed away on December 28th. She was one of the most amazing women I ever met. I am so lucky to have known her. She was very special to both of us and we are so sad that she never got to meet Eve. Joan lived through the Blitz in England, where she is from. She then lived in Portugal, Peru, South Africa and finally settled in El Paso. She had 1 daughter and 4 sons. She was a professor of English at UTEP, produced a radio program, wrote for the El Paso Times and ran the Gilbert and Sullivan theatre program until only two years ago. She was 91 years old and will be greatly missed.

I wish I could attend her service and let Eve meet some of the other relatives but we decided that being in a car for 12 hours each way and having to rush around all over town while we are there and me missing work after just returning was just too much. It's hard enough to go to the store with an infant, much less drive across the state with one. I wish I could be there to support Anthony, but sometimes I have to realize I can't do it all.

Firsts and Fear

The year keeps passing by and Eve keeps having firsts. This week was her very first snow. She wasn't impressed but she will be soon. I can't wait to hear her little voice saying "mommy it's snowing, it's snowing" and rushing to get her boots, mittens and hats on as fast as possible. She watched the snow throught he window with an amazing look on her face though. Every time I look at her face I wonder what she is thinking and I can't wait until she can tell me.

She smiles at us every morning now and it melts my heart. Her smile is infectious. Anthony said this morning as we were rushing around getting ready to go to work that there was nothing on earth better than a baby's smile. I have to agree. She is already starting the very easy job of completely wrapping her daddy around her little finger. She's had me for a long time...

We had a very scary experience on Sunday evening late at 1:30am. We were both asleep and the doorbell rang...at 1:30am. We both bolted up in bed and in the :30 it took to get to the door for Anthony (I was right behind him) so many thoughts raced through my head. I was concerned that it would be a police officer with bad news. I didn't know what to think but in that few seconds my immediate response was to protect my baby. It's so weird and hard to describe but it was this instant protective mode I went into in my brain.

Anthony answered the door and it was a woman who immediately reached for the glass door to our home to come in. He asked what was wrong and what he could do to help and she just said "I need to use your phone. I need to come in". He said he would be happy to call someone for her if she would just give us the phone number and she was insistent that "No she would call someone just let her in". I was on the other side of the door telling him I was calling 9-1-1 because if she needed help we would get it for her but she was NOT coming into the house acting that way.

She was pacing back and forth on the porch from what I could gather. She said that she was scared of her husband but no don't call the police. Then he said he was calling and she said "No just go get your parents, I know your parents". He said "Lady I own this house". Then she just said nevermind and ran off.

Within a minute and a half we saw the police lights outside of the cops looking for her. She was gone. They had one officer in the alley and one at the front looking between all the houses. The officer told us that they had gotten another call that an elderly lady had someone knocking on her door and ringing the doorbell trying to get her to come to the door too. She was two streets over so the police were already in the area searching for this person. The officer kept asking us if she was high or drunk. I couldn't tell from her voice and Anthony didn't think she was but anything is possible.

They left and told us we did the right thing and I stayed awake until 5am with the adrenaline. I went through every scenario in my head. I felt like maybe I was rude for not letting her in, but then the logical part of me was like no! She was a stranger, not a neighbor, she came from nowhere and she DID NOT want us to call the police. For all I know she could have had someone sitting right there next to my porch waiting for an opportunity to bust our door down and get into our home. There are numerous things that she could have been wanting but none of them had pure intentions, of that I am sure.

We are positive she had a car waiting because the cops saw no one on foot and said there is no way she could have run away that fast. She also didn't live anywhere near our house because we know all of our neighbors so where did she go? It was so scary and freaky to me because I didn't know her intentions and I had a perfect little angel all swaddled up in my room and I was scared.

Eve slept through all of it. The dogs barking, the police, the doorbell, me crying and Anthony telling me it would be okay. She just dreamed of better things I hope and knows nothing of that night except the next morning she woke up to lots of snow to look at.

13 Weeks Old

It's really hard to blog. I used to do it all the time but I have been busy! Eve Katherine is 13 weeks old today. Tomorrow she is offically three months old and I can't believe how fast the time has flown by. This was my first week back to work and it has been harder than I could have even imagine.

Monday night I got both of our stuff ready for the hard morning that I knew Tuesday would be. I got her dressed, fed her and snuggled with her for a while. I barely slept at all because I was so anxious. I have only left her for maybe a total of 6 hours since I gave birth to her so I had lots of odd feelings. I dropped her off at the sitter and then sat in my car on their street and sobbed my eyes out. I called Anthony and he talked to me for a while about how she would be fine, and I knew she would be but still...she wasn't with me. I also called my mom. My mom has become one of my best friends since I became pregnant. I call her every single day numerous times. She just said that it sucks and you don't want to leave them but you have to. She always worked too and I never felt like she wasn't part of my life or anything, I just hate leaving her. I cried all the way to work. Luckily I work with some amazing moms who know exactly what I went through that morning so they were all very supportive about it.

I got home on Tuesday night around 6pm and she fell asleep at 7:30. She was exhausted so I let her sleep and just rocked her. Wednesday morning I cried even more because I felt like I had only seen my baby for a few hours in a 24 hour period. It was harder than the first day because I knew it was going to be like this every morning.

It was better yesterday and today. I got up and spent some extra time rocking her and seeing her beautiful face. I cannot wait to get her this evening because I will have until Monday morning to spend with her.

She has been the most amazing baby so far. She started sleeping through the night completely on December 8th. She goes to sleep between 8:30 and 9pm and before I went back to work she wouldn't wake up until 7 or 8am. Now we get up at 6am to get ready to go to work and the sitter. She smiled at us for the first time on November 23rd and it was the best feeling in the world. She is cooing now and smiling and gripping her rattle. She can sit up in her bumbo seat and she loves to just look around. She loved the Christmas lights during the holidays. She would just stare at them in awe.

Parenthood is truly amazing. People tell you that there is no feeling like looking at your baby, and there really isn't. Seeing her with Anthony makes me love my husband even more than I thought possible. He and I have come even closer through this parenthood part of our journey. He is the most amazing husband and father and I am thankful for him each and every day.

The dogs all love Eve. They are very protective of her and love when she coos. I am so happy these days. We plan to have another baby in 2012 as of right now. We are hoping to have a son to complete our family but will be happy if we have a little girl too of course. I am so in love with my little girl that I can't imagine having enough love for another little one but I know that you can.

31.5 Weeks

I have been meaning to write and then I figured I would wait until I had pictures etc but time is slipping by. I realized this morning that I only have 57 days until my due date. It's all speeding up so quickly now. 7.5 weeks! I cannot believe it!

I have gained 23 pounds so far which I hear is really great from my doctor. She thinks everything is going wonderfully. Eve is moving around a TON in my tummy. It's very comforting to feel her. I think I will miss it once she is here but having her in front of me will be so much better I know!

Anthony has been working hard on the nursery. He is free hand drawing all of the Dr. Seuss characters. His talents amaze me daily. We have Horton sitting on top of the nest above the crib and it turned out so cool. On one wall we have the whole scene from the Lorax book. We also did Green Eggs and Ham. We are still fitting the sneeches, Cat in the Hat, Thidwick, Yertle etc in there somewhere. I am getting so excited to see it all come together.

Anthony had to leave town last week for a work trip and I was so sad to be without him for 4 nights. It's ridiculous I know but he's my best friend and I miss him so much when he's gone. Our marriage grows every single day and the minute I think I love him more than I thought possible, I love him even more. He's been so involved in this pregnancy and getting ready for the baby. I am so lucky to have found this man and I am so thankful for him each and every day. I hope it's not just the hormones ;)

I got my shower invites in the mail a few weeks ago and just started bawling (typical behaviour these days). I am so blessed to have the friends that I have and cannot wait to celebrate Eve coming into this world with my friends and family. It will be so much fun.

We are trying to prepare the dogs the best we can for her arrival. I think they will be fine.

I get overwhelmed with nesting projects and feel like my house is never going to be organized and picked up enough but then when I get home I am SO exhausted and hot that I can't do any of it.

Overall this has been a wonderful pregnancy. There are definitely some not so fun things about being pregnant in the heat but overall after trying for 2 years to have this little girl, I am happy.

Now I just can't wait to see her sweet face.

21 Weeks

I will actually be 22 weeks on Saturday. This has been such a wonderful time. I felt Eve move for the first time about 4 weeks ago and she hasn't stopped since. It's more of a rolling around. I have felt an actual kick a few times but for the most time she really likes to roll around right after I eat and then at 8pm or so she does a disco party in my belly. It's really neat to feel her in there and it's very comforting.

We had our "BIG" Ultrasound appointment at 18 weeks. The doctor said she looked beautiful. All of her bllod work and measurements have come out great. We got a DVD and she was moving around a lot.

I have only gained 7 pounds at this point which is great. I am hoping to keep the weight under control so that it's not so hard to lose it after she's here.

We have done a lot of fun things together this summer already. Anthony and I went to the Wildflower Festival like we do every year. We got to see Toad the Wet Sprocket and Candlebox. We went to Anthony's company picnic which was a lot of fun. Ana was big enough this year to go on the horse ride thorugh the woods on her very own horse. Anthony went with her since I can't ride a horse so I just took pictures and watched them enjoying themselves on the horses and the paddle boats. It was a great time again this year and they had tons of good food!

We also went to the Dallas Zoo for the premiere weekend of the Giants of the Savannah exhibit. The elephants are my favorite and now they have 6 of them in a beautiful and much bigger habitat. We also saw the lions, leopards and giraffes up close. I made it for 5 hours in the 92 degree heat. Anthony kept me very hydrated and we were glad I made it that long.

It's going to be a LONG hot summer that's for sure. It's going to be 105 this weekend. We are going to try to make it down to Fossil Rim to feed the animals down there. I hope it's not too hot.

We also booked our anniversary trip/babymoon. I had never heard of a babymoon but I guess it's kind of a "last trip" to take together before the baby gets here. We are going to San Diego for a week. That is where we started our honeymoon and we are excited. We are going to see the new elephant exhibit and we are going to go to Seaworld again. We love those two parks. The other few days we are going to just relax and enjoy each other's company. Hopefully we will get in lots of beach and pool time!

We already registered for my baby showers for little Eve. I have to stop myself from buying every cute little outfit I see for little girls. It's been hard but I am doing better! She already has quite a few cute things from friends and grandparents.

I can't wait to meet my little angel.

17 Weeks

I swore I would keep this more updated but I haven't. I have been so busy with work and family but it's all been good. I finally stopped having really bad morning sickness week 14 so I was very thankful for that for sure. I had a good 8 weeks of really bad nausea and dizziness starting at 3pm and I just thought it would flatten me!

I went to the doctor for my normal 16 week checkup on April 20th. I went alone because we knew our big appointment was May 10th and Anthony had to work. Usually at these appointments she just weighs me and talks to me about how I am feeling so I didn't think anything of it anyways.

Well she was running about 45 minutes late and I was her last appointment of the day so she asked me if I would like to try to take a look and see if we could determine if it was a boy or a girl. I said "of course". She was worried that Anthony would be upset but I assured her that he's just ready to know.

We got in the room and she said she immediately knew but wanted to get a few pictures to verify. My baby was moving like crazy. It was doing flips and sucking it's little thumb and moving all around. It was so neat to see. She finally said "What do you think you are having?" I said "A girl" and she said I was right!

I was so excited and disappointed in that instant that Anthony wasn't with me. I knew he would have wanted me to find out though. He was tired of calling the baby "It" or "Baby Q" or "The Baby"

I could see all the bones in her tiny fingers and her tiny spine. It was the coolest thing ever. Of course the odd part to me was that I could see her moving all around but I can't FEEL anything yet. My doctor said that should come in week 18-20 probably.

We still have our big anatomy check ultrasound on May 10th. Anthony is excited to see her again on the screen. She grows so much each time we see her so it's just amazing. This appointment they will check our her heart and other organs and I guess just verify she's a girl!

We decided on her name a long time ago. It will be Eve Katherine. We had JUST decided on a boys name so we will keep that for next time. Hopefully we will have one of each and they will both be healthy and happy children.

This has been such a wonderful time in our lives. Both of our careers are going great. Anthony is working on getting his Masters Degree to even further his path for our family and my job has continued to be great.

We bought our first home together and we have done a lot to improve it and make it ours. We do still manage to go to Home Depot a few times a weekend to work on another piece but overall we are so happy with where we are.

In the coming weeks we will start working on our mural for Eve's room. I have all of her furniture already but now we will take our favorite characters from the Dr. Seuss books and paint them on the walls. Her room will be very bright and cheery. I can't wait to see it when it's done.

10 Weeks

This is my tenth week of pregnancy. I am a bundle of nervous energy. I am scared and happy all at the same time. I keep thinking "Can this really be happening?". After trying so long it's hard to settle into the knowledge that you are pregnant.

I have also been reading the What to Expect boards and the BabyCenter boards and they just make me nervous or irritate me.

There are ALOT of opinions about child birth, raising children , breast feeding etc. I try to respect everyone's opinions because I think each person has the right to determine what they think is best for them and their family. I personally know that I want an epidural. I can't seem to find anyone else on these boards that feels the same way. It seems like everyone on there will only do natural birth with no drugs. Am I a bad person? I don't think so.

My doctor is fully in support of having an epidural. She had two herself with her children and if she's been to medical school and studied this stuff shouldn't I be able to trust her? I am just asking myself these questions of course. I commend the women that can give birth without drugs, I am just not one of them.

I guess I thought I would find some support on these boards, but I have found my true real life girlfriends are much better sounding boards for all of my weird questions than strangers on the internet. I should have known that!